associates, inc.The changing role of men.
Is the role of men changing with the times?
As women are gaining strength and independence, the role of men is radically changing.
In essence, women don’t need men as much as they did in the past. A great deal of attention has been paid to the dynamic of women striving to gain greater recognition, fair pay and all that this implies. But men are now facing a new challenge.
How can we address the changing needs that men have as the culture changes under their feet?
Traditionally, it is hard for men to seek help and appear vulnerable. And paradoxically, the changes going on culturally are causing them to feel more and more vulnerable and possibly unnecessary, not needed in the traditional sense. As men need to feel self sufficient and not show what is perceived as weakness they would tend to not seek help when actually they need it the most.
What stops them?
Men as a gender are geared to find solutions and are not interested in process. The self help therapies focus on process in order to provide help. Further, men are not inclined to talk about their problems or issues when it is natural for women to do so.
What men are taught is to compete and win. It is therefore very difficult for a man to show weakness and vulnerability. So to reach for some help, going to the doctor, coaching, therapy, etc……is very hard for a man as it means putting himself in a vulnerable position, showing his pain and internal distress about his life’s failures. It often triggers some old shame.
How to engage men in a therapeutic/coaching exchange?
–Go tribal. Knowing that other men are wounded too and suffer can help a man to know he is not alone.
One of the most powerful statements from one man to another is, “just like me”. It is crucial to break through the aloneness.
–Reframe the conversation from vulnerability as weakness to one of strength and wisdom. A truly evolved man is strong enough to show his weakness. Growth and self development is impossible without addressing one’s vulnerability.
–Explain the cost of suppressing one’s emotions. “Real men don’t cry”. What happens to suppressed emotions? People can get resentful, express it through their body and get sick. Or block all feelings and get numb. Other times suppression gets expressed through anger, often a cover for pain and deep grief. Often this pain is soothed through addictions; alcohol, drugs, gambling, womanizing, porn, etc.
–Foster trust. Above all, a man must trust totally in the person from whom he is seeking help. This requires courage on his part and a clear establishment of boundaries and confidentiality. Self help professionals are well versed in these imperatives.
To sum it up, for men (and women), the times indeed are changing. For men especially it is time to get past the past and reach out for help to succeed in creating a new paradigm of manhood.